you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
