He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
