She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
