I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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