Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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