I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
is wine microwaveable?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
