Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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