i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
