White coat. Heels.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
