I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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