the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
