so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
