I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
