If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
