You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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