you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
