I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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