So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
