You made me cry and you don't even care
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
