Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
