I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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