the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
