bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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