I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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