did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
