wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
