Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
