so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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