He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
