Where did you get a picture of my penis
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
sarcasm needs its own font
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
