Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
