I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we're making bets on your personal life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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