He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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