Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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