Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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