I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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