just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
