so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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