he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
