I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
