i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
