My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
