Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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