Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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