I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
