i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
