We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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