my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize