I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
