And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
