If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize