College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
