i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
