I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
