God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
