I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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