So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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