Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
