i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
