i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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