Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
