i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
