Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
