it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
