Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
