we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
