it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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