HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
