me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
