My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
