Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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