It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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