how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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