3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
