Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
