I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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