I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
