I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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